Saturday, April 2, 2011

Endurance for One Moment More


Well, if my last mini performances had an impact on my life then this last performance of the semester has truly changed who I am in such the smallest but greatest ways. As a member of BYU's Womens' Chorus our solo performance has been the goal of all the rehearsal time we have had and every other performance has been like a train station on the journey through the semester. Important stopping places but it was not the final destination. Last night we made it. We arrived with each other and some important deliveries: 3 months of improving technique, countless hours in and out of class of practice and memorization, the internalization of lyrics, melodies and harmonies, and the many small successes all presented in 13 pieces (two of which were premieres). We had one shot at making each piece become everything that it should be. Each moment had to hold all the an hundreds of other things to be excellent. This is what music is to us; it is excellence. This is what we wanted to give to the audience. It was no longer about us, the single group of unified singers and director enjoying music in an acoustically brilliant atmosphere, but about those we love and those who love us. The audience was placed in the most important position. We invited them to receive the gift that we wished to present them with in hopes that each individual found what was for them.
I have never performed in that extent before. I have sung songs in a way that they have been dedicated to loved ones both present and absent. I have driven myself towards the goal of perfection. I have always tried to give something of myself to my fellow choir members, director and those who come to hear us but there was more I could do. I had to give all of myself to the whole of the choir which in turn gave all of itself to the audience. Our love of music blended seamlessly into our love for every individual in the audience whether known personally or not. They made our music into what it was; it could not have been the same without them. They came ready to receive and we came prepared and willing to give. We could not give anything perfect in form but we could give them of ourselves.
When there is nothing left to give, give of your very being..... we discussed this one day in class. I've discovered that when there seems to be nothing left to give and I choose to take a piece of my most inner being and present it as an offering free to be taken I am not broken or torn but find the room to grow and find a great peace in being able to do so. I have also discovered that I cannot give perfection. Even in my best performance I can find mistakes or missteps or even a moment of less than perfect focus. I am not perfect and all I could offer to our efforts was my imperfection. However, we together can take our varying imperfectability and combine them so our strengths outweigh our weaknesses and we can become something excellent. While we aim for perfection working hard with a focused unity we overcome great hurdles in learning and creating what we could give we missed the mark. Luckily, we knew that we would but we did not miss by very much. The point of perfection lies in a beautiful field of excellence. We were never asked for perfection, we were asked "Do you want to be excellent?" And we did. We want to give excellence.
I cannot say that we were alone on that stage. The power and presence of every note and harmony cannot just come from any choir or acoustic hall or director or composer. It must come from the presence of the music itself. Who is to say that the composer of a wondrous piece was not enlightened and that it was not a spectacular gift? Who is to say that the performers that understand a piece let it come into being rather than create its existence? There is no feeling that I know of that compares with a piece well performed --- it lives and glides through the air unlike anything that I know exists. It penetrates lives and begins to change them in the smallest ways. This is music. This is the magic. This is excellence. Herein lies the gift that is both given and both received: love.

Angele Dei, qui custos es mei,
Me tibi commissum pietate superna:
Hodie, hac nocte illumina
custodi rege et guberna. Amen.

Angel of God, whose guardian is mine,
To me you have committed your heavenly love:
Day and this night illuminate
Guard, rule and govern. Amen.

(lyrics and translation from Angele Dei, composed by Lindsay Goodson to whom we are so grateful for her talents and the beauty of this assuredly inspired piece.)



1 comment:

  1. I love that idea that people are better united together than we are individually. It connects up with this scripture: http://lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/1.30?lang=eng#29

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